"You are an angel in the shape of my mom.." 

She was, and will always be. The Angelita to my Angelique. 

I always feel so proud and loved whenever I tell the story behind my second name. She was one of the kindest, and endearing person I have ever known. It has been two decades since she was taken away from us, but my heart still aches for her. I can think of a hundred could-have-beens should she still be around. And I can't help but shed a tear whenever I think of her. Nonetheless, deep in my folly, I know that I should be happy because she is already home. Sometimes my prayer was for her to visit me in my dreams. I miss her angelic face, that's all.

In all honesty, I cannot actually remember how old I was when Mommy (that's what I call my Lola) died, but I could never forget that excruciating day. It was morning of a school day that was supposed to be an ordinary one. In the middle of my class, Papa arrived and asked our teacher for me and Kuya to be excused. We went home. Next thing I knew, we were sitting in a plastic monoblock chair in the balcony of our old wooden house. I was so confused that time, wondering what was happening, why was I at home instead of being at school. Then he said while sobbing, "Wala na si Mommy." Those were Papa's exact words. At first, I wasn't able to comprehend it. Papa probably elaborated it until it hit me hard. I fell down on the floor, and started crying, loudly. I wailed, and screamed like a baby whose favorite candy was taken away from her. I felt like my heart was torn apart. It was one of the saddest childhood memory I have. The next events were all blurry, that I can't remember going to Manila from Batangas. 

The next thing I knew was being in a small chapel in Quezon City, reunited with my father's family. I saw a white casket in the middle, then Papa accompanied me towards it. There she was, my Mommy, lying so calmly yet so beautifully. I was standing just a few inches taller than her coffin. My body froze as my tears started racing from my already swollen eyes. At that young age, I felt an indescribable, stabbing pain. At that young age, I experienced my first heart break.

During those days, at the back of my mind, I thought I was being a little overreacting. But looking back now, I know that I was not. All these vague and lucid memories are proof of what I felt that day.

I miss you Mommy. How you scold us whenever we don't want to sleep in the afternoon (she always insists it because she says it's good for our health); I miss your malambing voice; how you always remind us to eat plenty of vegetables, and to eat up all the food in our plate because madaming batang nagugutom; how me and my Kuya always look forward to Christmas and summer vacations as that is the time we will be going to Manila to spend time with you and Daddy. That day we went to McDonald's, and you bought us those tiny little toy that swims in the water. Although you didn't have any money, you wanted us to be happy-that is how selfless you are. I miss how you always treat me special, because I was your one and only babae na apo, your only balasang.

I may only remember bits and pieces of my time with her, but she will always be one of my favorite person. I just hope she's proud of the person that I have become.

Today's her birth anniversary, she could've been 74.