summer 2023, hyéres

In a true Lorraine fashion way, I am making my 2023 year-end post almost three weeks into January. I am still in Batangas, still in sort of a vacation mode.

How do I sum it up? 2023 was a year of gains and losses, a year of good news and bad news. I want to let my vulnerability out, so here it goes.

The year started off as a bit nostalgic. I finished my French language studies at UCLY - had my final exams, said goodbye to my international friends and classmates, the teachers, and to me being a student. At that moment, it felt surreal. I finally have my advanced intermediate certificate in French language, but then where do I go from there?

I was in a limbo for the first quarter of the year with nothing to do. I was not a student nor a resident. My student visa expired and I still didn’t have a resident visa. I tried looking for part time jobs, but didn’t had any luck with the applications. Working at Restos du Coeur as a volunteer became my part time job then. It was tiring — standing for full 5 hours straight and lifting things, but also fulfilling.

Come April, Max and I went to Italy for two weeks. We traveled from Lyon to Florence by bus, took trains to Rome, Cinque Terre and Milan. If anyone asks me, what’s my favorite country I have been to (of course apart from France), I would say, without any doubts, Italy. We’ve been to Venice before, but this trip showed us more how beautiful Italy is - in terms of culture, architecture and food.

But all good things must come to an end, they say. 26th of April, 2 days before we go back to France. We were at Lake Como when we received the dreadful news. Max’s dad was in the hospital and in a bad state. Max had to fly back immediately to France. I couldn’t bring myself on telling him that he was going to be okay, because i think we both somehow knew that he would not. Looking back, I think my biggest regret was not suggesting on canceling our Italy trip. We could have stayed back in Hyères, he could have spend more time with his dad.

We had his last hug at the same time. We were leaving for Lyon that day, 3 weeks before he died. I can still remember that one second tight hug. At that moment, it felt like the last time, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I whispered to him “courage, courage”. Those were my last words to him, and I’m not even sure if he heard me right. He probably didn’t know how much he had touched my heart in many ways than one. He’s the kind of Dad I never had. I wished I had a Dad like him. He’s like my Papa in some ways, so much ego and always has to be right. But Henri was faithful. He was loving, kind and generous. Even though our time spent was brief, I’m grateful I had the opportunity to get to know him.

The next few months were spent trying to cope up with a crushing grief. Max and his mom busied themselves with a lot of administrative staff whilst mine was followed by tons of job applications, interviews and rejections. Yes, I finally received my resident visa this year. Seizing the opportunity, we also did a few summer road trips in the south. From camping to staying at AirBnBs, hiking with beautiful views, taking us into rolling green and chocolate-like hills, caves, lakes and rivers, sunsets and sunrises, those were good days. I know, it sounds contradicting. But I guess, people has different ways of coping. We stayed in the south for more than two months before we finally started going back to work again mid-July.

After 1.5 years out of work, I was finally back into the corporate life. I learnt how to appreciate European way of working — no overtime, clear boundary between personal and corporate life. In all honesty, I was glad to be back working.

Around the last quarter of the year, we started looking for a new home. Our free time were spent searching and filtering for announcements, visiting flats, then revisiting them. It was a tedious job (mostly for Max of course). But we’re happy to finally found a new place that I’m excited to turn into our new home.

Before the year ended, I went back home to the Philippines and Max followed a week after. At last, my family and friends got to meet him. The names on my stories I used to tell him finally have faces on his head. He was able to practice tagalog. It’s heartwarming, and I’m glad. One of my bestfriends also got married before the year ended, and it was such a lovely occasion.

*****

2023 was absolutely an eventful and challenging year. The months were not easy, but I am further than I am before. Now, that is progress as little as it may sound. It isn’t my favorite year, but still a year to be thankful for.

2024 will be so much better than 2023 and I am claiming it.