It's 21:41 on a Friday night. I'm sitting alone on my balcony, sipping an iced cold beer. This day started just like any other day. My insomnia is back, long and sleepless nights. Oh, how I have not missed you. Taking melatonin pills is no longer working, I'm afraid my body has gotten used to it. Now, I no longer know how I can force myself to sleep now, hence the beer. 

I have a million thoughts, but I don't know how to go about it. I have been living alone in the flat for almost a month now (as of writing, Max is still in France and his flight is scheduled for tommorrow). I did have some friends who came over for the past weekends, but most of the time, it was just me and my thoughts. It's as if it's not the case with everyone. We are almost always alone with our thoughts, we tell lies to ourselves much more than we tell lies to anyone. You're welcome to take that on a positive, encouraging note or a negative, discomforting note. Last weekend, my friend asked if I'm okay staying here alone. And I said, oo naman. I was not lying when I said that. I was okay living alone, but I was not okay. Do you know what I mean? But I am thriving, I know am. Wake up 10 minutes before work, start to work (or pretend to work), eat lunch, take a nap, work again, go to class or exercise or waste my time on countless youtube videos. We are creatures of habits, aren't we? We are good and sophisticated animals. And when those habits fail us, we start to question ourselves. Or for some, we just start a new habit. 

Have you ever thought how each one of us is made of million tiny moments —from shallow, ordinary moments to life-changing moments? I don't know what I am saying and where I am going with this. 

You made it reading this far. And I'm not sorry for wasting some minutes of your time. 

Anyway, cheers. May you find your habit to success. Or to failure. And then find another again.