I am grateful; still grateful that 2020 happened. It was a totally different year for me, like to almost everyone else, despite all that has happened around the world, despite the pandemic. I didn't want to admit this, I felt selfish. Maybe that's why I abandoned this blog this year, I was happy and I felt guilty about it. But as what Max has told me, we all have to play whatever balls or cards we have in our hands. 

In all honesty, I didn't know how to go about writing this year-end post. But I have to; to at least keep a journal of this year's highlights (if there are any) and to keep up with my yearly so-called reflective posts. Hopefully, I can yield the right words to relive what 2020 has been, the last year of being on my 20s.

Before the outbreak of COVID, I ventured into a solo travel to Seoul, South Korea, probably one of the wisest decision I made this year. It was only a short trip, but one that has made me do quite a few first times like climbing a mountain alone (Ahhh, I can still remember the joy it brought me when I reached the top) and hanging out with total strangers.  I sometimes wonder where I get all my courage from, how something exceedingly daunting to someone can be quite an easy task for me. I hope I don't get to lose all this as I grow old.

I also got to travel with my friends to Phuket — a trip, mostly spent eating, sleeping, and drinking. We spent a day at the beach only to sleep, because we were too hangover and sleep deprived from last night's partying. AHHH, good days.

And then COVID unfolded and drastically changed the norm. Plans were cancelled. People had to stay at home. Borders got closed. People lost their jobs. As I look back, I wonder where all the time went?

2020 was indeed a year like no other. But I like to believe I managed to find silver linings amid the depressing skies it offered. Learning quite a few sports like bouldering, longboarding, boxing. Exploring Singapore more, finding respite in what this Little Red Dot City has to offer. Making knot crafts (Macrame), was the biggest revelation to me. 

Max is undoubtedly the biggest aspect of my 2020. I would not go into details how he and I got together, but we actually met towards the end of 2019. He was supposed to leave Singapore permanently, but due to COVID, plans had to be changed. We spent the circuit breaker together doing all sorts of things to keep ourselves sane like working out, baking, planting, cooking, crafting, among other things. I even jokingly coined our story, "Love In The Time of Corona". But kidding aside, he was my 2020 plot twist - an unexpected, highly unanticipated development of the past year. Thanks to him I survived 2020, perhaps scrambling, but still wholly and thriving.

This year has been the longest I've been away from my family. From going home every 2 or 3 months to entirely not been home for more than a year. It was difficult. I watched my niece and nephew grew taller only through screens, I watched my Mom and Lola grow older virtually.  I miss them, terribly. But in this kind of pressing times, all I hope for is their safety and healthy well being.

Whilst all that sounds good and befitting, I still, sometimes, drown in my own unfathomable and anxious self. Laying out the worst scenarios that can happen in my head, crying in the middle of watching or reading something, staying up until 3 or 4am because sleep is just so elusive, overthinking things... but everything has got better. One thing that I have learned these past few years is that no one can help you the most but you, yourself alone. I allow myself to be anxious, but I also disallow myself to be submerged too much.

Last year I wrote Au Revoir 2019 which actually means, goodbye, until we meet again (I didn't know this when I wrote that post). But now I am saying, Adieu 2020. To God, 2020. Farewell. You were a year to remember, whether we like it or not. I am thankful that no one in my family or friends contracted the virus. A lot has not been so lucky. 

As we continue to 2021, piercing into a world that remains uncertain and perilous, I hope we still get to see those blue skies and green pastures. As what my favourite poem's closing words say: 

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And oh, one last thing, I hope everyone gets to believe that what we do to our environment, ultimately we do to ourselves. Our planet doesn't need us. Earth would be better off without us. And for humans to survive, we require a healthy planet. I hope we can learn from this pandemic and seize the opportunity to reflect on our actions and impact to the environment.