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Publishing this post was like leaving myself bare naked for the whole world to see. It isn't like everyone I know are gonna read this. But still, the thought of making this public scares a part of me. So why did I still put this out? I don't know as well. But one thing I am sure of is that it isn't my business what people thinks of me, and it isn't their business to care what I put on this blog. And perhaps, I also wanted to share a little piece of myself too. So, read on.

A Fallen Visage

With A Little Spark of Hope

I wrote those posts from more than two years ago during the time my "moderate" episodes of depression happens almost everyday. Yes, I was depressed (Or maybe just sad. I don't want to insult those clinically depress people.) But I was sad and lonely, with no one to talk to. Too afraid of people, even friends, to judge me and too ashamed and scared to be misunderstood. Being away from family, close friends, and almost always being alone or the girl who were never chosen has, probably, taken a toll on me. Yet there was too much sadness and heartaches and sorrow, that sometimes, I don't actually know where it is coming from, but I still keep holding on to it, not knowing how to let go. I had to fight my own demons, and those profound inner turmoil just kept bottling inside me.

There were days when sleep is too elusive, so I would lay in my bed all night feeling miserable and rethinking my life, my brain swarming with thoughts, questions and doubts. Or hoping and praying, if only I could shut down for a while to cope up with my self-made difficulties. I would cry, sometimes with tears, but most of the times without. The tears were mostly inside, struggling to come out. Then I will go to work in the morning like my normal self, like what everyone else expects me to be.

But then, there were days when I would get high with hope and endless possibilities, with infinite depth that someday, somehow, all these alarmingly depressing and pathetic thoughts will go away, and I would finally learn how not to fool everyone, how not to fool my defenseless self.
I was at war against myself (maybe even until now), and hated it for always falling back to that destructive mindset. Rationalising was of no help at all: "I have nothing to be sad about. I am just making this up. I have a perfect life. I have a well-paying job that anyone would instantly want. I have a loving family, I'm surrounded with friends."

Somehow, over the years, I manage to cope up with my emotions better. Music was the biggest outlet and therapy I conveniently had. Writing and traveling also became an escape. There were still lapses from time to time. A guy I met told me on our first meeting that I was melancholic, the way I see things, the way I speak, my choice of music, my choice of words. 

Perhaps I am. Through the years,  deep in my folly and mundane sentiments, I fell in love with this melancholia; I fell in love with my own 'great depression'; but above all, I fell in love with my own life. It is because of these emotions that I learn how to channel my creative and passionate self. It is what fuels that inner fire within me. It may, or may not have shaped me into the person that I become and still becoming. Although I still have days when I struggle, gets sad and happy for no particular reason, I learnt to embrace my existence. 

What all I am trying to say, in the grand scheme of things,  is that we all go through something at some point of our lives in some varying degrees. Others feel it so intensely, whilst others barely feel it at all. It will always gonna be there—the sadness, the uncertainty, the pain and hurt, the anxiety. You don't always have to be strong. And if you cannot channel it through some other things and activities, talk to someone. There are people who understand. I understand. Reach out.

It is indeed both a blessing and a curse, to feel everything so very deeply.

Post-Script : If you happen to know anyone suffering from depression or anxiety, please talk to them. You don't need to entirely help them, but they just need someone to listen to, and someone who would understand. 
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Gloomy weather in Taipei.

See the first part here on this link! 

Pingxi Old Trail

I did not have any plans of lighting a sky lantern, but since I'm already there, why not try it. 

As I lighten up my sky lantern, I wished of magical things; of more places to see and people to meet; of silly adventures to try; of kindness and compassion to share; of continuing a life with a story worth telling; of seeing the world with stained-glass eyes, with inquisitive heart; of better days to come; and of genuine love and happiness.
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This post may be two months over due already. But the memories of that 5-day solo experience in my mind is still fresh. So allow me to share some of those here on this post.

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After sharing our North Cebu trip and video few months back, a few people/friends were asking me how did we manage to hop from island to island in North Cebu. So I figured I should write a post about our itinerary. I know it's months too late, but it's better late than never, right?

(This post has been sitting on my drafts for more than half year already. :)

First thing that we had to figured out was on which island to go first. South Cebu (where the famous "swimming with the whale sharks" is) was already scrapped off from our list since we've all been there before. Since I have also been to Bantayan Island before (and I am the designated travel planner), we opted to go to Malapascua Island first.

How to go to Malapascua Island from Mactan Int'l Airport


  1. We hired a taxi from the airport going to Northern Bus Terminal. Ride was 20-25 minutes including the traffic.
  2. From there, there are two choices going to Maya Port - via bus or shuttle vans. Look for the bus/vans with signs saying Maya Port. Do not be confuse as there are also buses going to Hagnaya Port (this is for those going to Bantayan Island). As we were all sleep deprived, we chose to ride a van instead. The trip was around 4 hours. Bus ride will take longer as it has pit stops along the way.
  3. At Maya Port, we rode a small boat for 20-30 minutes going to Malapascua Island. From here, there are already people offering island tours. This is where my haggling skills were tested.

PRO TIP #1: Take your time to choose the right offer. If you know you still have spare time to choose, DO NOT always take the first offer. Instead, get their number and say you'll contact them later. ;)

When we arrived at the island, we met another fixer who offered a much better deal. We booked the Kalanggaman Island Day tour (with lunch) + boat ride to Bantayan Island for only Php2200.00 per person. First offer we got was Php2600.00, then my friends talked to a few tourists telling them they got theirs for Php3500.00 per person. Good call, right? :) 

Another option going to Bantayan Island, is to go back to Maya Port. Then take a bus going to Hagnaya Port and another boat ride to Bantayan Island. This is a cheaper option, but will take much longer time. Boat ride from Malapascua to Bantayan is around 2 hours only. 

Where to Stay

Malapascua Island - We stayed at Blue Corals Resort which is conveniently located at the edge of the island. If you love sunsets as much as I do, then this resort is perfect for you. Their balcony is the perfect chill spot for sunset watching, and the back of the resort has this some kind of a "secret" spot for swimming and sunset watching.

PRO TIP #2 : Learn how to dive in Malapascua Island. It is not listed in the top 101 Dive Sites in the World for a reason. :)

Bantayan Island - Since we will only be staying in Bantayan Island for a night, we only rented a fan room at Bantayan Huts. Although, it is not conveniently located near town, the beach front is quiet and indeed relaxing. 

PRO TIP #3 : To reduce tricycle fares in Bantayan Island, rent a bike for 24 hours. Biking there at night would be so chill, and also safe as a lot of tourists do this way.

So here's our full itinerary:

-->
Day 108-Apr-2017
2:30Meetup at Airport - PAL Domestic Terminal 2
4:00ETD Manila
5:10ETA Cebu
6:30Taxi to Northern Bus Terminal / Brekafast
7:00ETD to Maya Port (Bus)
9:00ETA to Maya Port
10:00ETD Maya Port to Malapascua Island
11:00ETA Malapascua
11:00onwardsExplore Malapascua - Island hopping, or any activities
Day 209-Apr-2017
Kalanggaman Island Whole Day Tour
Day 310-Apr-2017
7:00ETD Malapascua via Boat
9:30ETA Bantayan
10:00onwardsBantayan Island Tour
Day 411-Apr-2017
10:00ETD Bantayan via Ferry
12:00ETA Hagnaya Port
12:0013:00Lunch
13:00ETD Hagnaya Port to Cebu
16:00ETD Cebu City
16:3021:00Dinner/Meetup with friends/Pasalubong Buying
22:00ETD Cebu City
23:15ETA Manila

And here's our 4 day expenses excluding airfares. Note that we are three in the group. And I know, we ate too much. Haha


Expense per person in Php
April 8-11, 2017
Taxi to Northern Bus Terminal / Breakfast150
Van to Maya Port200
Boat to Malapascua Island80
Kalanggaman Island Day Tour (with lunch)
735
 Boat ride from Malapascua to Bantayan Island
Blue Corals Beach Resort (2 nights Malapascua Is.)1350
Bantayan Huts (1 night)390
Bike Rental in Bantayan (24hours)150
Bantayan Island Day Tour500
Ferry Boat from Bantayan to Hagnaya Port180
Ride to from Hagnaya Port to Cebu City200
Food and other expenses3500
Total
7435

Hope this helps!

Find out about our North Cebu Travel here and here! :)

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Lorraine

"Here is where I un-clutter my random musings, from mundane to profound and vice versa.”


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