For the longest time, I have been wanting to get myself a tattoo. Not because I want to get in to the hype or be the cool girl next door or because everyone's getting inked. But because I wanted something that will remind of my younger years when I get old and annoying (or maybe I was curious on how it felt like getting a tattoo). As fickle-minded and impulsive as I am, I didn't know what to get until just recently. Besides, I was determined to do it before my quarter-life birthday. Lucky enough, I was able to make up my mind before the third month of the year came in. (Tho, I know, I am too ashamed to admit it, I was a little bit bothered with the sound of the needles crashing in to the skin. It felt like bulldozing one's skin. Lol)



Enough of the talk. So finally, I AM INKED! YAY!

"Kaya ko kaya?" For years, that has always been the question. Now I can finally say, YES KAYA KO! 

Initially, I wanted to go and do it alone but then I realized, no one will take my pictures and I needed some moral support so I asked the best friend to come with me. Lol 

The Artist

For my first tattoo, I want a female artist because I want someone who I can get comfortable with throughout the session. Luckily, whilst I was searching for designs on IG, I stumbled through @jenxtattoos profile. And I instantly loved her work! I messaged her through Whatsapp and set an appointment for consultation. Funny thing was, during the consultation day, when I arrived at the studio in Haji Lane, she already left a few minutes back. So I had to call her and do the consultation on the nail salon where she went to. Lol 

Consultation just took 5-10 minutes because I already have an idea of what I want. I just sent her the design for her to customize.

The Design and Placement

I'm a big fan of the book "The Little Prince" and one of my favorite lines from the book is:

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

The rose, although it only appears in a few chapters of the book, embodies that line. (No, I won't go into more details of the story because this is not a book review.) The rose will also be my self-reminder not to be cynical about love or towards life, in general.

And since it is enclosed in an inverted triangle (which I probably keep the meaning to myself), I want it in the middle of my back, right in the spine. But, my tattoed friends keep on telling me that it would be much more painful on the spine so I thought of having it on my left shoulder blade instead.

However, Jen, my artist, convinced me that the pain would most likely be the same as it only touches the first layer of the skin. Besides, a tattoo is a permanent thing so better have it on the area you like the most. She got a point there so I was, "OK, let's do it on the middle then."

The Ink Session

On the day itself, I wasn't nervous or excited or whatsoever. I just wanted to get it over and done. I was actually more excited to cook dinner that day. Lol 

She first did a stencil on my left shoulder blade and middle back so I can decide which looks best. The middle DID really looked the best.

So how does it feel, eh? IT IS PAINFUL.

I'm not sure how others can say it's not painful but f*ck, it was a nasty, serious pain. But it was that kind of tolerable pain, a pain I know I don't mind having again. The most painful part was when the needle hits the spine. I can feel each and every hit of the needle. But there are parts where the pain was non-existent. I'd actually got used to the pain on the latter part of the session.

Thankfully, the session only took less than an hour. I even asked, "Is that it? Tapos na?" :D

Right after that, damn, I was so proud of myself. Jen even told me that I did very well for my first tattoo. Boo yah! Achievement unlocked!

So there you go, my first InkXperience and I am definitely sure there'd be a second, third and so on! Now I know, why people gets addicted to this kind of art, that is Tattooing.

P.S. The morning after it was done, the pain hit me harder. I had to sleep early the night before because my whole back was really in pain. I even woke up in the middle of the night. But damn, IT IS ALL WORTH IT. It's Valentine's Day today and wala kong paki, I am talking about my tattoo. Boo yah!

She would stay up until the wee hours of the morning, replaying those tiny vivid images in her head, or most often than not, conceiving things that were far from her known reality. She would create that whimsical story where he is the protagonist and she was his muse. It would be a story like no other, blissful but at the same time sentimental, serene and vague but all in all lucid. It would be just him and her, leaving the world to revolve and go on without them, distant in the far-flung corner of her mind. And she would do this almost always every night, or until she could finally feel something apart from aching, for this is how she gets by.

"Well, I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette. A lifeless face that you'll soon forget."

She was. For far too long, she was - a fallen visage that everyone soon forgets, a figure stuck in her own dimmed universe.

There are no tears though. She doesn't let herself cry, but the tears, little did she know, were catapulting inside of her. So instead, she would put the speakers on, turn the volume to the maximum allowed, infinitely play Fleetwood Mac's Landslide or Daughter's Youth, then blankly stare into nothingness, fall into her deep sea of thoughts and back into her rightful senses.

She would do this over and over again, for this was her covert reality that not a soul knows of. However, everything still remains. Her mind is still chaos and her callous heart was no help at all.

All those self-made empty little cosmos have been devouring even the tiny blot of happiness left, even the dying spark of hope there is. Or was she just too afraid to concede? Or maybe not; maybe she was too afraid to be notice. She wanted to leave this wholly formed world, and find a new one. But she doesn't know how, she was stuck and broken and fragile - clinging to her reckless self.

Nevertheless, above all these, she would smile and keep telling herself: "Stay strong self, better days are coming."